Robyn and Patti lead our meeting on January 28th.
Patti's topic goal was addressing the process of raising a responsible adult. Much of the information came from a breakout session at the International Dyslexia Association conference and the book, Letting Go Of Your Teen: Give Your ADD Teen a Chance by Lynn Weiss, PHD
Even though we know ADD is Neurobiochemical style of brain wiring, we still frequently become frustrated with our child's different brain. One day we are yelling and grounding, the next day we are hovering with cookies and milk. We desperately want our children to be successful, and it can be extremely frustrating when we feel like nothing we do helps; it is tough not to have a sense of control. When feeling helpless in a given situation we sometimes become angry, and guess whom we are angry at? Adolescence is a time when "transferring responsibility" from you to your child can be a difficult, seemingly impossible task to accomplish. Transferring responsibility is a process, and can be more complex if you are parenting a child with ADD, LD, or any other condition that interferes with learning.
If your goal is to raise a responsible adult, you must be conscientious in holding your child accountable. "There are two parts to this responsibility issues:
• Your child must take on more responsibility for herself.
• You must give up, or transfer, an equal amount of responsibility from your control to your child's.
Your teen cannot grow into a self-responsible and independent young adult unless both of these changes occur." p. 168 Letting go is difficult for a variety of reasons, it is scary, we're in the habit of doing a lot for our children, we empathize and understand school life is harder for our children, and we feel responsible for taking some of the load off. Ultimately, we frequently do not believe our child can do the work on his own.
Dr. Lynn Weiss, author of Give Your ADD Teen a Chance,
asserts "The biggest obstacle teens face in becoming responsible is parents who do more for them than is necessary." p. 169 How do we know when we are doing too much for our children? Sometimes we're so emotionally involved we're not sure if we're enabling or modeling appropriate responsible behavior. Weiss provides some guidelines to think about as you and your child are transitioning. (Keep in mind transitioning typically goes beyond adolescence. How many of us have adult children living at home, or have friends who do? )
• Do I see my son or daughter as a small child?
• Do I fear that my teen has poor judgment?
• How much do I know about what my teen does when I'm not around?
• Do I regularly or constantly remind my teen of things?
• Do I do "a lot" for my teen?
• Do I scold my teen, trying to teach him, but still give in to him?
• Do I worry about what I will do when my teen leaves home and is on his own?
• Do I correct my teen's appearance, habits, or choices?
• Do I speak for my teen without consulting him?
• Do I make excuses for my teen's bad habits, such as drinking and spending money?
• Do I pay off my teen's debts?
• Do I fear my teen won't be able to recover from his mistakes?
• Do I rescue my teen when he makes mistakes?
• Do I feel so sorry for my teen when he's brought trouble on himself that I bail him out?
• Have I bailed my teen out of jail, paid off tickets, or covered up for my teen?
Robyn Kramer talked about some strategies regarding homework.
• Schedule time for daily homework
• Set up a study area
• Create a homework supply survival kit
• Talk about the importance of homework and set up consistent, clear expectations for your child
• Recognize and praise for your child when they do well with their homework and the expectations that have been set
Our last meeting for the year will be on Friday, April 9th from 8:30-9:30.
Our meeting on Monday, February 22nd from 8:30-9:30 has been cancelled.
If you have questions, please feel free to contact one of the learning specialists, Robyn Kramer or Patti Osman.
Patti's topic goal was addressing the process of raising a responsible adult. Much of the information came from a breakout session at the International Dyslexia Association conference and the book, Letting Go Of Your Teen: Give Your ADD Teen a Chance by Lynn Weiss, PHD
Even though we know ADD is Neurobiochemical style of brain wiring, we still frequently become frustrated with our child's different brain. One day we are yelling and grounding, the next day we are hovering with cookies and milk. We desperately want our children to be successful, and it can be extremely frustrating when we feel like nothing we do helps; it is tough not to have a sense of control. When feeling helpless in a given situation we sometimes become angry, and guess whom we are angry at? Adolescence is a time when "transferring responsibility" from you to your child can be a difficult, seemingly impossible task to accomplish. Transferring responsibility is a process, and can be more complex if you are parenting a child with ADD, LD, or any other condition that interferes with learning.
If your goal is to raise a responsible adult, you must be conscientious in holding your child accountable. "There are two parts to this responsibility issues:
• Your child must take on more responsibility for herself.
• You must give up, or transfer, an equal amount of responsibility from your control to your child's.
Your teen cannot grow into a self-responsible and independent young adult unless both of these changes occur." p. 168 Letting go is difficult for a variety of reasons, it is scary, we're in the habit of doing a lot for our children, we empathize and understand school life is harder for our children, and we feel responsible for taking some of the load off. Ultimately, we frequently do not believe our child can do the work on his own.
Dr. Lynn Weiss, author of Give Your ADD Teen a Chance,
asserts "The biggest obstacle teens face in becoming responsible is parents who do more for them than is necessary." p. 169 How do we know when we are doing too much for our children? Sometimes we're so emotionally involved we're not sure if we're enabling or modeling appropriate responsible behavior. Weiss provides some guidelines to think about as you and your child are transitioning. (Keep in mind transitioning typically goes beyond adolescence. How many of us have adult children living at home, or have friends who do? )
• Do I see my son or daughter as a small child?
• Do I fear that my teen has poor judgment?
• How much do I know about what my teen does when I'm not around?
• Do I regularly or constantly remind my teen of things?
• Do I do "a lot" for my teen?
• Do I scold my teen, trying to teach him, but still give in to him?
• Do I worry about what I will do when my teen leaves home and is on his own?
• Do I correct my teen's appearance, habits, or choices?
• Do I speak for my teen without consulting him?
• Do I make excuses for my teen's bad habits, such as drinking and spending money?
• Do I pay off my teen's debts?
• Do I fear my teen won't be able to recover from his mistakes?
• Do I rescue my teen when he makes mistakes?
• Do I feel so sorry for my teen when he's brought trouble on himself that I bail him out?
• Have I bailed my teen out of jail, paid off tickets, or covered up for my teen?
Robyn Kramer talked about some strategies regarding homework.
• Schedule time for daily homework
• Set up a study area
• Create a homework supply survival kit
• Talk about the importance of homework and set up consistent, clear expectations for your child
• Recognize and praise for your child when they do well with their homework and the expectations that have been set
Our last meeting for the year will be on Friday, April 9th from 8:30-9:30.
Our meeting on Monday, February 22nd from 8:30-9:30 has been cancelled.
If you have questions, please feel free to contact one of the learning specialists, Robyn Kramer or Patti Osman.
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